Silver Storm : The Five Stages Of Grief
by nakuraxkanra
Summary: AU.Orihara Izaya has been in love with his enemy,Heiwajima Shizuo for 8 years.And after one stormy night,Shizuo finally accepted Izaya's feelings.But what Izaya doesn't know is that the blond has an ulterior motive that could change his life forever.
1. Stage 1: Unknown Mistake

A/N : Hey guys, it's me, the author of 70 days. Sorry, but 70 days are getting delayed for a while. So to make it up for you, here's my actual first fanfic, Silver Storm. It was inspired by an idea from the kink meme.

Summary : AU. Orihara Izaya has been in love with his enemy, Heiwajima Shizuo for 8 years. And on a one particular stormy night, Shizuo finally accepted Izaya's feelings. But what Izaya doesn't know is that the blond has an ulterior motive that will change his life forever.

* * *

><p>Stage 1 : Unknown Mistake<p>

The blond looked down. Cars were beginning to fill up the once empty streets. On the other hand, in a certain apartment complex in Shinjuku, an infamous information broker just woke up from his slumber desiring a cup of coffee to start his day.

The said blond set off one foot and let the gravity pulled him to the solid ground. The tall male felt the cold wind cut his face and brushed through his hair. And from this, he hoped that he could atone to the one that used to be his.

The raven-haired informant groaned when he saw the sink occupied with unwashed plates, glasses and mugs he had been using for the passed depressing weeks. Feeling lazy to wash even one of them, he took out the mug he hadn't used for a long while from a cabinet. He knew that what he was doing is actually unusual. He could've just washed one of the used mugs instead of having to tiptoe to reach the far end of the high cabinet. But somehow, the raven didn't seem to mind it at all. He placed the porcelain mug on the counter and glanced around to find the coffeemaker. He groaned again when he saw the said coffeemaker on top of the highest cabinet and way out of his reach. He climbed on top of the counter as he was too lazy to find a stool. But when the small male tiptoed again to reach the coffeemaker, he accidentally pushed the mug with his foot resulting the mug to fall onto the marble tiled floor.

The sounds of people gasping and yelling were getting closer as he almost reached the ground. He closed his hazel eyes and took a final breath. When his head was an inch from the cold pavement he thought, 'Yes, this is the right thing to do.'

And the strong yet breakable porcelain shattered on the floor.

Sirens from an ambulance were finally heard as the shocked by-standers could only stare and pray for the fortissimo of Ikebukuro's safety. One of the staffs rushed to the bleeding blonde's side while the others yelled for the crowd to give them some space.

The staff checked the tall male's pulse. The said staff turned to the rest of the hoping crowd and yelled, "He's still breathing!" Everyone let out a relieved sound. The staff looked at the injured male when he felt a movement. The tall blond stared at the man in front of him with half-lidded eyes. But all he could actually saw was a blurry black figure. "Hang on, kid. You're gonna be fine." Encouraged but not relieved, the bleeding male closed his eyes.

Back at Shinjuku, the raven crouched in front of the shattered pieces of the mug. His face still showed nothing. His hand reached it to collect the pieces together. But his delicate long index finger was cut. The small raven hissed in pain and retreated his hand quickly. He stared at his bleeding finger as the blood dropped, staining the pure white marble floor with a beautiful crimson droplet.

* * *

><p>I breathed in the smoke from the cigarette between my lips.<p>

"It stinks…"

"Huh?" I turned around to see Tom-san, my boss, looking at me confused. Crap, must've said it out loud. "No, nothing… Just talking to myself…" Tom-san raised an eyebrow but shrugged and turned away when I gave no respond. "We still have one guy left." I took out the nicotine stick and crushed it between my fingers. "Ou."

Something in the air stank.

Everything went out perfect. All the scumbags willingly paid their debts to Tom-san without me having to do/throw things at them. Ikebukuro was peaceful too. Well, ever since that flea moved to Shinjuku, 'Bukuro has always been peaceful. But for some reason it was extra peaceful. Not even those stupid color gangs were seen. But it still stank. I wasn't sure what it was, but I didn't like it. It's almost the same as the flea's-

'Wait. Isn't that…? No, it can't be… The flea's in Shinjuku. And that guy is wearing a really girly jacket with a fur-trimmed hoodie. So he can't be-' the said girly guy turned around and my eyes instantly widened. 'No… NononononoNO! Impossible…'

That short jet-black hair… Those demonic crimson orbs… When he finally noticed me his eyes widened out of shock, but he quickly hide his shock with a switchblade pointed at me and flashed his trademark smirk.

I was trembling out of pure anger. That switchblade that had cut me several times five years ago… And that smirk! I thought I would never see that smirk ever again! He's back. My arch nemesis… Orihara Izaya!

"Shizu-chan."

Goddamnit! And I thought that I would never EVER had to hear that fucking cursed nickname EVER AGAIN! "What the hell are you doing here, huh? IIIZAAAYAAAA-KUUNN~?"

He giggled. HE. FREAKING. GIGGLED. "Silly, Shizu-chan!" I could feel a vein popped on my forehead. "I'm here because of work, of course! I thought you were already dead from lung cancer… But I see that you're still breathing, unfortunately…" He sighed and shook his head. "How disappointing…" And that was it.

I snapped and grabbed the nearest thing that I could reach (which happened to be a vending machine). I grinned. 'Perfect. Just like old times.' Then I threw it at him with intentions to kill. But of course, like old times, he dodged it. He dodged it like the flea he is! "Leave, Izaya. Or I'll kill you right here, right now."

The flea started to play with his switchblade. "But Shizu-chan…" I mentally slapped my face to prevent myself from losing control. "We finally got to meet again after sooo long~!" I gritted my teeth. 'Patience, Shizuo.' "I don't fucking care. Now LEAVE. And don't fucking come again."

"Hmmm…" He tapped his switchblade on his chin and made a thinking pose. Then he pointed his favorite toy at me and smirked. Again. "I think I still wanna play~" I grinned. 'So he missed our usual chase, huh. I can fix that.' "Fine, flea." I warmed up then I grabbed a signpost and pulled it out of its roots. "Let's play." And the chase began.

I threw everything that I could've find/grabbed randomly at him, but he managed to dodged every single one of them like a pro in an obstacle course/race. So his parkour skills improved. Figured. The only thing that hasn't been improved yet was his height. He's still as small as he was in high school.

"Oi, flea." I called as I threw a post lamp aiming directly at his head. "Yes, Shizu-chan?" And Izaya answered as he jumped out of the way.

"I can't believe that you're still so short." That seemed to have caught him off-guard. I mean, really. His red eyes widened comically, his lips parted, his cheeks became red with anger and embarrassment, and he even dropped his precious switchblade. If I didn't hate him so much, I would've called his reaction… Cute.

He furrowed his feminine eyebrows and glared at me. "What did you just say?" 'So even the poker face Izaya could get angry when his physical is involved.' I smirked, 'Oh this is good.'

"I said that I can't believe that you're still so SHORT, even after FIVE years had passed." He hung his head downwards, but I could still see how red he was when he blushed to his ears. His small shoulders trembled, and it only made him looked even smaller.

…

I took it back.

His reaction was WAY TOO CUTE.

But I couldn't stay astray from my goal. 'Time to end this, once and for all.' As Izaya was still trembling (I thought he was crying), I gripped his wrist tight and pulled him to the nearest alley. I could hear soft "Ouch" and "It hurts" from behind me but I ignored it. I slammed Izaya's back to the wall and trapped him with my hands. He looked up to me and glared at me with all his might. But for some reason his glare was lacked of the unusual malice it had.

"I finally caught you." Crimson orbs widened, but then they softened. "Nee, Shizu-chan…" He placed his right hand on my right arm. "Do you still remember what I told you on our graduation day?"

How could I ever forget that day? "No." I lied. That day, those words, haunts me every single night. I replayed that scene over and over again as if my memories were broken.

He clenched my arm until his knuckle turned white. I would've screamed in pain if I weren't gifted with high pain tolerance. He looked up to me and stared right into my pupils. I could feel beads of sweat rolled from my temple to my cheek. Just like that day. Only this time, his red eyes were glimmering with tears that I didn't know he had, but I could tell that he was fighting it.

It made me feel almost guilty. ALMOST. I couldn't possibly regret just by seeing the flea cry. Not after all that he had done to me.

"That day… I said that…" He blushed, but this time I'm sure it was by embarrassment only. "I love you…" That came out almost like a whisper, nevertheless I still heard it. I remained quiet. Not that I didn't want to kill him anymore. I just wanted to hear what he was gonna say. "I meant it… And I… still do…" He flinched when I said "Still do what?" He gulped and his blush deepened. "I still do… Love… You…" I rolled my eyes. 'Yeah, right.'

"What makes you think that I'll buy it this time, flea?" He knitted his eyebrows together. The tears already retreated before they could even fall. "It's my second time confessing, and yet you still think that this is just a scam…"

His hand that was attached to my arm was now in his pocket, searching for another one of his switchblade. I'm sure of it because I knew he has thousands of those hidden somewhere as he usually packed up a few spare if someone (or rather me) were to break one of them.

"How slow can your protozoan brain be, I wonder?" One of my eyebrows twitched. And as soon as his signature smirk returned, I knew that he had found what he was looking for and I should back away. But I forgot that the flea has an insane speed.

Blood splattered as the sharp switchblade slashed through my bartender clothes and came in contact with my skin. I placed my hand over the fresh wound to make it stop bleeding. "So it looks like I'll just have to make you believe me." And with that he charged towards me in full speed. But before I could respond to anything, the flea leaped to the air and jumped over my head and even managed to laugh at the same time when he saw my expression.

He turned to face me one more time. "But for now, I'll leave you be." And with flying kiss and a wink, he took off. I gritted my teeth. 'Damn it! The flea got away again!' I punched the wall beside me leaving a huge crack and a bloodstain. My bloody knuckles trembled.

"Shit. Looks like I have to go to Shinra's…"

I picked up my glasses that I didn't even realize had dropped, and lit up a cigarette.

* * *

><p>"Huh? You saw Izaya in Ikebukuro today?" Shinra repeated my words as he bandaged my hand. "Yeah." The underground doctor started to pack his antiseptics and band-aids and placed them carefully into his medical bag.<p>

"Well I'm not surprised. I mean, he IS an information broker. So I'm sure he was in Ikebukuro for… Umm… Information… Breaking?" He looked up to me and flashed his goofy grin. "So you don't have to worry. 'Kay, Shizuo?" I turned my head to the open window and looked at the night sky. "I hope you're right…"

* * *

><p>I climbed up a stair. As I climbed up the long stairs, slowly, I felt a sense of déjà vu. I reached the end and came upon a door.<p>

A familiar white door.

As I grasped the doorknob, I realized that I was wearing a blue blazer. I studied my clothes. As it turned out, I was wearing what I used to wear five years ago, Raijin High school's uniform.

I looked around my surroundings. So I was currently in Raijin, or should I call it Raira now? Then I stared at the metal door in front of me. 'Where would this door lead me?' I asked in my head.

I got the feeling that I did know where it would lead me. I furrowed my eyebrows.

But why couldn't I remember?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and twisted the doorknob, and slowly opened the door. I covered my eyes as the blinding light penetrated my eyes.

I slowly opened my eyes when I felt a warm breeze. But the first thing that I saw was a figure. A black with a little hint of red figure. I squinted my eyes to see what the figure actually was.

A person.

The figure is a person.

I guessed it's a male 'cause of the gakuran he's wearing. The same as Kadota's. But this one was specially made. The jacket was trimmed until it's on the same level as his chest and he wore a red shirt under it. I haven't seen his face yet as he had his back turned to me. But I could tell that this person is good-looking.

My theory was confirmed when he twirled, yes, twirled to face me. My eyes widened. He wasn't just good-looking, he was amazingly beautiful!

I couldn't stop myself from blushing when he smiled at me. Man, how I wished I had my camera with me right now.

His jet-black hair flowed softly along the gentle breeze. His amazing eyes glimmered with crimson hue. His perfectly round cheeks blushed prettily. His pink soft lips curled upwards into a dazzling, dizzying smile. My breath hitched when those supernatural eyes looked into my hazel ones.

And I could only stare in awe at the picture perfect in front of me.

"Shizu-chan…"

Wait, he knew me? How could a beauty like him know a 'brute' like me? Wait… That pet name that he just called me… I've… Heard it before… Do I know this person? I think I do…

But I couldn't remember…

Come on, Shizuo! I mentally hit my head as I screamed; "REMEMBER!" in my brain.

"I…"

I paused my thoughts and looked into those crimson orbs to show that I was listening.

"I love you, Shizu-chan…"

My eyes widened comically. Did he just say that he loves me? Did I hear it right? Maybe I Should ask him to repeat what he just said…

I opened my mouth to say, "What did you just say?" but instead it came out as, "Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of sick joke was that?" I covered my mouth instantly. What the hell was that?

I looked at the small male in front of me. His beautiful expression fell from his perfect face. Instead, his face looked… Hurt… Really hurt…

I opened my mouth again "Don't you dare pull this scam again. Remember, I HATE YOU, I LOATHE YOU. Get that through your pretty little head."

WHAT? NO! I looked at my counterpart flabbergasted. I shook my head frantically, 'That wasn't what I wanted to say!' I mouthed to him. But clearly he didn't get my message as he glared at me and smirked. My mouth gaped and I could only stood there, motionless.

No… Not that cruel smirk again… Again? Have I seen it before? I shook my head. I don't want to think about it anymore… Because I… I only want to see that beautiful smile again…

"Then, Shizu-chan…"

No… Please don't say my name in that cold voice… I want to hear that gentle, loving voice uttering those sinful yet beautiful sentences again…

"I'll hate you too…"

No, stop! Please, that wasn't me! What I really wanted to say was…

"Izaya, I-!"

* * *

><p>"I LOVE YOOUU!" I sat up abruptly and screamed. I panted and huffed then I sighed and face palmed. "Again… Stupid flea…" I looked around the unfamiliar surroundings. 'Right, I stayed over at Shinra's last night 'cause I got really tired to go home.'<p>

I paused and my eyes widened when I saw Shinra stood beside the bedside. His glasses was crook to the side, his hands paused in mid air and in his left hand looked like a broken… Needle? 'Wait… Did Shinra heard my scream?'

"I'm sorry, Shizuo… But I'm already in love with Celty. Gomen, ne?" I gritted my teeth. I grabbed the nightstand beside me and threw it at him. "That hurts!" He cried as he rubbed his swollen head. "I was just joking…" He pouted.

I sighed in irritation. "What's with the needle?" Shinra quickly hid his left hand behind his back and laughed nervously when I said that. "This isn't what you think it is! I wasn't trying to get your blood sample or anything!" He nervously laughed again while ruffling the back of his hair. A vein popped on my forehead. I stood up and lifted the bed. "UUUUWAAAAH! Sh-Shizuo, calm down!"

* * *

><p>"So you dreamt about our graduation day?" I grunted a "Yeah." As my bespectacled friend re-bandages my hand. "Was Izaya involved in it?" I blushed and spluttered. "H-huh? Wh-what makes you say that?" "Well, you mentioned 'stupid flea'. So…" My cheeks became beat red and turned to look away. "Y-yeah…" Shinra's usual goofy smile fell. "What was it about?"<p>

'Should I tell him? Maybe I should…' I stuttered. "In my dreams, Izaya said that he l-loves me…" There was an awkward silence in the air. "Have you… Dreamt about it more than once?" My face couldn't get anymore redder than this. "Y-yeah… How did you know?" The brunette in front of me just shrugged. "Just an intuition. So how long have you been dreaming about the past?"

"Well, I'm not sure about that. But I've been dreaming about it ever since-" I didn't get to finish my sentence as Shinra interrupted me, "Ever since our graduation day?" I shook my head. "No, ever since you met Celty." Shinra's eyes widened behind his round glasses. He hung his head low until his brown bangs covered his eyes. "I see." What the hell does that mean? "Is… Something wrong?" Shinra fixed his glasses with his index finger, "No… Nothing…"

Something was wrong… But I just shrugged, as I didn't want to make him say things he didn't want to.

I took a drag of the smoke into my lungs and released it through my nose. "It still stinks…"

At that time I was clueless… I was clueless of the unknown mistake that I had made… Five years ago…

* * *

><p>Stage 1: Unknown Mistake -END-<p>

-Next Stage: Love Me-

"Please… I beg you…"

I accidentally let out a sob. Tears started to pour out of my eyes. I wonder why, even when I called out to him… I could never reach him? Another sob. No more… I don't want to watch him from afar anymore… So please-

I finally looked up to him with tears dripping eyes.

"Love me…"

* * *

><p>AN: So technically, this is my first fic. But I didn't upload this first 'cause I didn't have enough courage to do so… But as I was really happy by the reviews I got from 70 Days, I managed to do this! So, if you want to read about angsty Izya, review or I'll lose all of my courage.


	2. Stage 2: Love Me

A/N: Hey guys. Still working on chapter 2 of 70 Days, I'm afraid… But thank you very much for the reviews! Especially PrettyWilde, you have no idea how happy you've made me! And also for the other reviewers, you've made my courage boost up! So here's another chapter for you all! Also, from this chapter onwards, the POVs will constantly switch from Shizuo to Izaya and back to Shzuo and back to Izaya and… Oh you know what I mean…

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><p>Stage 2: Love Me<p>

"Oh, you're back." Namie stated coldly. As always. I smiled sly and answered, "Awww, did you missed me?" as usually. And I didn't have to wait to know that what she would do next is, a sigh, "Seiji…" and said her little brother's name with a melancholy tone. I rolled my eyes. Humans are so predictable. But I guess that's their cute points~

"So were you able to meet with the client?" She asked the same time she was sweeping the floor. I shrugged, "Nah. Left him." I said normally and laughed when I heard the crashing sounds from the kitchen. "What? Why the-"

"But I found something better!" I interrupted her before I had to start listening to her bitching about ditching (heh, that rhymed) that perverted old man. Well who could blame me? All the guy did was rubbing my thighs and molesting my butt while I was talking about the 'information' he wanted. He was literally talking to my crotch! God, it was sooo disgusting!

But, well I guess a part of it is my fault since I agreed to meet with him despite the panting and the constantly "You're so cute." He gave me when we were talking on the phone. Again, humans are so predictable! But no matter how disgusting they are, they're still 'my' humans~

"Something better?" She paused her sweeping to hear my answer. I returned my smirk, "I found Shizu-chan!" I said dramatically, throwing my hands up in the air. Namie looked at me deadpanned. "So you're saying that you find Heiwajima Shizuo much more interesting than a paying client?"

Oh, Namie. If only you know what I've been through today. But it doesn't matter. Disgusting or not, I'll always find Shizu-chan much more interesting than any other humans and the main reason is that he's the only one that never acts as I predicted how he should act.

But also because…

I'm in love with him…

And I thought I was already over him too… Yes, me, Orihara Izaya, THE Orihara Izaya has romantic feelings towards an individual rather than loving the entire human race. But I don't regret it. I would never regret it. Because Shizu-chan is my first and ONLY love.

Sure, I had sex with hundreds of people. Mainly guys. And yes, I bottomed. But I would imagine that it was Shizu-chan that was always holding me. And I was happy even though it was just an imagination.

But I couldn't take it anymore. So on our graduation day…

I confessed…

After that a lot of things happened. And just when I thought I finally got over him, I ran into him! It wasn't the first time I visited Ikebukuro to meet with clients. So I thought it was going to be fine today too since I've never ran into him before.

And when I saw how grown-up he was… I felt… Well let's just say that I've fallen in love with him all over again. But whom am I kidding? He didn't even remember that I confessed to him…

"Oi, Izaya." My train of thoughts broke and looked towards Namie who was apparently still in the same position as she was before. "You still haven't answered my question yet." Oh, right. I gave her a bored look and answered. "Yes, Namie. I do find Heiwajima Shizuo to be much more interesting than a paying client."

I glanced at my computer screen and frowned. "But too bad it's only one-sided…" Namie tilted her head to the side with a raised eyebrow. "Hm? Did you just say something?" I blinked twice then flashed her my mischievous smile. "Oh, nothing. I just said that I have a brilliant idea." Namie sighed. "What are you planning this time?" I smirked.

A plan to make Heiwajima Shizuo's hearts finally mine.

* * *

><p>I blinked. I closed the door and opened it again. The same thing still stood on the floor. I closed the door and breathed in and breathed out then I opened it again.<p>

There, in front of my feet was a box. A box wrapped with a pink polka dot wrapping paper with a red ribbon tied on top of it neatly. "What the hell? A present?" I tilted my head. 'But for who?' Well it was in front of my door… And I live alone… So…

"For me?" I thought out loud and hesitated whether or not should I bring it inside. But I shrugged after deciding, 'What could possibly go wrong?' and brought it inside and placed it carefully on the kitchen counter.

I studied the pink box wearily and debated on whether should I open it or leave it be. 'What if this is all a prank?' 'What if there's a bomb inside?'

A lot of questions and doubts filled in my blond head. But after a good hour of debating, I ripped the wrapper and ribbon off the box. Then I slowly opened it.

I first noticed an envelope. It wrote: To Heiwajima Shizuo-sama in front of it. 'So it IS for me.' I thought and opened the envelope to see a letter inside of it.

Dear Shizu-chan, please accept this small gif as a token of my feelings. I hope that you will believe that this is not a joke.

P.S.

I love you

Orihara Izaya

A vein popped on my forehead and I quickly crumpled the stupid letter as soon as I read the name of the sender. 'I knew it! This is all just a stupid prank! That fucking flea! When I see him-!' I stopped mid sentence and began to worry about the gift and gulped.

'What if it really IS a bomb?' Beads of sweat rolled down my face then I slowly lifted the thing that was inside the box and let out a relieved sigh.

A coffeemaker.

It was just an ordinary coffeemaker. But rage took over me once again when I remembered who fucking sent it to me!

I grabbed the contaminated-by-that-flea's touch-coffeemaker and threw it out of the closed window, resulting for the glassed window to shatter along with it. Then I threw the rest of the remaining into the rubbish disposer in front of my neighbour's door.

I stomped back into my apartment while mumbling "Stupid flea. Thought I was gonna fall for it, huh…" all the way until I closed the front door and locked it.

* * *

><p>Namie looked at me from upstairs with one of her eyebrows arched upward while I laughed maniacally. "That was so interesting! It was so hilarious I think my stomach is going to explode! HAHAHA!" I continued my rant as I laughed and spinned in my favourite black swivel chair.<p>

"His reaction was totally unpredictable! That's Shizu-chan for you!" I continued to laugh then I stopped abruptly to glance at Namie. When I was assured that she already lost interest in my behaviour, I dropped my mask.

"So he still doesn't believe me…" I whispered with a deadpanned expression that hid utter despair. My eyes narrowed and I pouted childishly when I saw Namie coming downstairs. "Shizu-chan baka…"

* * *

><p>I furrowed my eyebrows and glared at the exact same box in front of my door.<p>

The exact same pink polka dot wrapper and the exact same ribbon.

But this time the letter that was previously inside the package was taped on top of the box. I grunt as I scratched the back of my head and picked up the envelope and read the letter.

Dear Shizu-chan, I would really appreciate it if you don't throw this gift away as you did last time with the VERY EXPENSIVE coffeemaker 'cause I'll be watching you~

P.S

I love you.

Orihara Izaya

I crumpled the letter calmly after finished reading it. 'The flea's not gonna give up is he?' I grabbed the still wrapped tightly box and knocked on my neighbour's door. 'So if I can't throw it inside the garbage disposer…'

When the kind old lady opened it and greeted me, I gave the present to her saying that it was a gift as a neighbour. 'And since he's wayching me…'

She thanked me with a gentle smile and closed the door after I went inside my apartment. I smirked and looked outside the broken window with a smug look. 'Then I'll just have to give it away to someone.'

* * *

><p>I threw away my binoculars angrily and nibbled on my perfect fingernails. 'Again… He…' I stopped and smirked. "No matter. I'll send another one tomorrow, ne Shizu-chan?" I muttered as I skipped to the electronic store.<p>

* * *

><p>The stupid prank went on for almost three years, can you believe it. I myself couldn't believe how determined the flea was to-… Well I'm not sure what he's trying to do, but man, was he persistent! I'm almost running out of neighbours to give away the unwanted presents to.<p>

And it's always the same routine. I woke up in the morning, opened the front door, sighed when I saw the pink box and gave it away. But before I gave it away I would always read the letters, though.

I don't know why, but I would always find enjoyment every time I read them. Like this one, for example:

Dear Shizu-chan, it's okay. I forgive you for giving my presents away to everyone in your apartment building. Because I actually really like the way you don't care how much money I've spent to buy those EXPENSIVE gifts. It's soo sexy~ But I'm very happy that you're actually keeping the love letters that I wrote to you… It… Gives me hope…

P.S.

I love you.

Orihara Izaya

I don't know what gave him hopes, but yeah, I kept his stupid letters. And I would always read them again when I was bored. Some of his letters even brought a smile on my face.

Like this one time when I just got home from a hellish work day when I saw the same pink box in front of my door. And after I read the letter, the rest of the day became not so bad for me.

I still don't know how Izaya knew that I kept the letters but gave away the presents. But I do know the one thing that he doesn't: I actually looked forward to reading his letters. Not that I would tell him that, though.

But one day, just like it first came abruptly, the usual pink box with ribbon on it that would always stood in front of my apartment when I woke up or come back from work, never came. And that meant no more neat hand-written letters from the flea.

I was glad at first. But before I knew it, the routine of waking up and checking the front door for any pink box got me.

I continued that routine for four months.

But the box and the letter were never there.

"So he finally gave up, huh…"

Or so I thought…

Six months had passed since the flea stopped sending me presents. And heavy rain continued to pour on Tokyo for the passed two months. But on a rather stormy night I suddenly heard a knock from my front door.

* * *

><p>It had been almost three years since I started sending presents and letters to Shizu-chan. And believe it or not, I started crying after a year of the same rejection.<p>

Even though Shizu-chan keeping the letters made me really happy and it gave me a little hope, I couldn't stand it any longer.

Usually I would personally deliver those presents to him, but after a while longer I couldn't stand staring at the white door of my love interest any more without unconsciously touching and feeling it with my palm. And every time I did that I would smile as I thought

'Shizu-chan is just behind this door in his room, sleeping soundly…'

I couldn't stand it any longer.

The undying pain of heartbreak…

So I asked my workers to send it for me. But even after that I still felt that unbearable pain. So I stopped buying gifts altogether. It still didn't work. So I started avoiding Shizu-chan. But even after six months had passed, I still couldn't focus on my work.

I sighed and bid goodbyes to the people who I was chatting with and shut down the main computer. I sighed again as I glanced at the digital clock beside the computer. 9.30 pm. I sighed for the millionth time and stood up to grab my fur-trimmed jacket and went outside for a walk. Even though I was quite aware of the weather.

It was the first time I walked with the hoody draped over my hair and hung my head down. But after letting my feet dragged me all the way from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro, I finally looked up to see a door. A white painted wooden door.

* * *

><p>I glanced at the clock that was hanging on top of the TV. It showed 11.45 pm. I furrowed my eyebrows and scrunched my face. 'Who the hell would visit a person at 11.45 pm?' I tried to ignore the knocking. But another persistent knock made me "Tch'ed." and stood up, ready to yell at whomever that was knocking on the door annoyingly.<p>

"Who the fucking hell is-" My eyes widened. In front of me was the very flea that I couldn't stop thinking about for the passed few months, soaking wet from the heavy rain and had his head hung down so I couldn't see his expression. But even more surprising, I didn't -or rather- couldn't get angry when I saw him. I could only stare at him in awe.

* * *

><p>I unconsciously knocked on the metal door. When it gave no respond I knocked on it again. Then I heard muffled footsteps and the door opened.<p>

"Who the fucking hell is-" My eyes widened behind my wet clinging to my skin locks. 'Shit!' I cursed in my head when I woke up from my trance as I heard Shizu-chan's coarse, honey like voice. I didn't look up. In fact, I couldn't. So I just stayed still.

Until I unconsciously, of course, spoke.

"Please… I beg you…"

I accidentally let out a sob. Tears started to pour out of my eyes. I wonder why, even when I called out to him… I could never reach him? Another sob. No more… I don't want to watch him from afar anymore… So please-

I finally looked up to him with tears dripping eyes.

"Love me…" I begged with a cracked voice. Dripping tears began to pour out of my eyes. But I didn't care anymore. All the bottled up feelings inside me pour out through my eyes as salty tears.

* * *

><p>Finally after a long awkward silence, the small man in front of me spoke up.<p>

"Please… I beg you…"

'What? The arrogant, self-centered flea's actually begging?' I flinched when I heard a sob. The flea was actually crying.

My eyes widened when Izaya finally looked up to me. Tears were dripping out of his crimson eyes to his blushing round cheeks. It was actually the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

"Love me…"

My mouth gaped. The first thing that popped in my head was, 'He's still not giving up?' but that thought disappeared when I saw how sincere and desperate his amazing eyes showed. I gulped as I felt a bead of sweat rolled down my face. And I did what my instincts told me to do.

* * *

><p>I blinked my widened red eyes. 'Impossible. This has to be a dream!' But I stopped caring and closed my eyes to savour the warm feeling around my body. Then I wrapped my own arms behind Shizu-chan's broad back.<p>

When I snuggled my cheeks to his neck, the only thing that played on my mind was,

'Please… If this is a dream… Please, god… Don't let Namie wake me up…'

But the warmth from the blonde's body heat had assured me that this is reality…

I really was being hold inside Shizu-chan's arms. And in that moment, I felt secured and protected.

Tears continued to drip from my closed eyes, as I couldn't help but to feel incredibly happy.

'Finally… Oh finally he believes me! After years and years of trying to let my feelings get to him! Finally I've reached him… Finally I'm safe inside his heat…'

I smiled genuinely.

Finally…

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure why I did it, but I hugged him. I hugged Izaya. I was actually stupefied at the time. But when I felt small hands touched my back I automatically tightened my arms. Somehow, I felt that if I let him go, I'd never see him again… And I didn't know why, 'But I don't want that…'<p>

And then the mood became weird. Even though it was only me, but suddenly…

I felt the urge to pin the small raven in my arms down and have my way with him…

I shook away the sinful thoughts. 'This is Izaya I'm talking about! Not only is he a dude, he's my enemy!' But when I thought about it more… 'I'm already holding him romantically, so why not hold him sexually while we're at it?'

So I did what the devil inside told me to do.

I kissed him. On the mouth.

* * *

><p>'OH MY GOD! Shizu-chan is kissing me! Shizu-chan is KISSING ME!' I yelled in my head in disbelief. The warmth and the feeling of being protected disappeared. 'What went wrong? Wasn't the mood just now sweet and romantic? So what went wrong?' But I was actually extremely happy as I finally felt my first love's kiss…<p>

My thoughts were snapped when I felt a tongue licking the bottom of my lips. Begging for entrance. I parted my lips experimentally and shuddered when that hot wet muscle instantly went inside my wet cavern. My grip on Shizu-chan's shirt tightened and I moaned and squirmed as that expert tongue explored my mouth.

* * *

><p>Stage 2: Love Me -END-<p>

-Next Stage: First Date-

I stared at the porcelain mug with a bubbly smile and chin tucked inside my hands. My work was completely abandoned two hours ago. And that was how long I've been staring and smiling at the red mug that has 'Hito Rabu!' imprinted on it.

My bubbly smile went wider when I recalled our first date that we had earlier. O giggled and continued to stare at it. "I could stare at you all day long…"

'Shit. Did I just think that the FLEA actually looked pretty? Oh fuck.'

* * *

><p>AN: So there you go! The second chapter! Review if you want to see the smut and fluffy scene!


	3. Stage 3: First Date

A/N: um, I don't know why I didn't do this in the first place but did anyone read the Durarara light novel volume 11? If so, then please tell me what happen to Izaya! I'm dying to know whether he's alive or not! Please tell me!

* * *

><p>Stage 3: First Date<p>

_Our lips never parted as he guided me to his single bed. His lips briefly left mine as he laid me down gently on his soft bed. I didn't have any time to sniff the pillows because as soon as I looked comfortable to him, he attacked my parted lips again. But even when I didn't have the time, I could vaguely smell the scent of tabacco and once again I felt safe. _

_Our wet kiss parted leaving a trail of saliva hanging in the air between our swollen lips. He wasted no time and quickly undressed me while giving butterfly kisses on my forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, jaw line, neck, collarbone and pretty much every where. _

_When I was finally completely naked, he kissed my chest and stomach then latched his mouth on one of my nipples and suckled on it. I blushed upon hearing the wet noises coming from his suckling. _

_My whole body was trembling from pleasure that I never knew I'll be experiencing. I squirmed and moaned under his heaven-like ministrations and my back arched when he swallowed my erection. The feeling of someone giving you a mind exploding blowjob was too much for me to handle. _

_I gasped and let out a silent scream as I came inside Shizu-chan's hot, wet mouth. I watched with ragged breaths and half-lidded eyes as Shizu-chan wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb. My cheeks turned red when he locked gazes with mine. "Izaya…" I gulped. His honey-like voice had already turned hoarse and filled with desire. _

_Filled with lust._

_Lust for me. _

"_Y-yeah?" He kissed my ear and whispered, "Can I?" my blush deepened and I glanced down towards Shizu-chan's crotch then I unzipped his zipper and took out his enlarged flesh. My eyes widened and I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was HUGE! I thought it would never fit! "Izaya…" _

_I snapped as I felt a lubricated finger pushed inside my tight hole and gasped. "O-owww! Shizu-chan it hurts! P-pull it out!" Tears started brimming at the corner of my eyes. Even with just his finger, it hurt like hell. "Izaya… Open your eyes your eyes." And so I did. I noticed that Shizu-chan already had his vest and buttoned-up shirt off. "Izaya…" He tilted my chin with his finger upward. "Look at me. I won't hurt you anymore…" _

_I couldn't find any words to say so I stayed silent and only focused on Shizu-chan's hazel eyes that were also transfixed on mine. _

_I wrapped my arms around his neck when I felt something larger poked at my entrance and braced myself. Tears flowed through my blushing cheeks when I felt it sliding inside me ever so slowly and from that I knew that Shizu-chan was trying to be gentle. _

_My eyes were clenched tight as I repeated 'it hurts, it hurts, it hurts…' in my head like a mantra. But I love Shizu-chan. And I want him to feel pleasure too. So I let him came inside me short after I came a second time. _

"_Shizu-chan…" I called while panting harshly from the afterglow of our previous activity. _

"_Hm?" Shizu-chan was also panting._

"_I love you…" There was a moment of silent and just when I thought he fell asleep,_

"_I love you too…"_

* * *

><p>I blushed as I remembered what had happened between Shizu-chan and me last night.<p>

That night, I slept peacefully inside Shizu-chan's arms. Nothing could describe how happy I was, but unfortunately my happy thoughts were interrupted by an icy cold voice.

"Izaya." I frowned. Just when I was starting to feel genuinely happy. You're such a party-pooper, Namie. Nevertheless, I threw her my usual smile. "Yes Namie, dearest?" She clicked her tongue at me and continued. "Phone call. For you." I stood up and picked up the phone from Namie's hold. "Yes. Orihara speaking." I greeted with my happiest tone.

"U-uhhh… I-Izaya…" A stuttering male voice. "Yes, that's me." "I-its Shizuo… "

I blinked twice then I blushed when I registered the name in my brain. "Wh-what's up?" It was my turn to stutter.

"I was thinking… That maybe… Y-you would like to go out today… With m-me?" My eyes widened and my mouth instantly curled upwards. "Shizu-chan? A-are you asking me out on a d-date?" I heard a muffled spurt.

I hope he didn't choke by his own spit. "D… D-d-d-d-d-d-DATE?" I placed my palm on my mouth to hold my laughter. 'Shizu-chan's so cute!'

"I-I-it's not a date! J-just walking and e-eating at R-Russia Sushi!" "That's called a date Shizu-chan." I could practically hear him blushing. "W-whatever! Do you want to or not?"

_Pfft. _Tsundere, much? But I guess it's not Shizu-chan if he just suddenly walk right to me with a bouquet of roses and recite romantic poems to me. I smiled cheerfully at that. "Well, if Shizu-chan insists~"

Who would ever say 'no' to that adorable monster? Well, certainly not me. With a click of his tongue, he spoke a bit grumpy by my answer. "Th-then I'll pick you up at six." I could literally feel flowers blooming in my heart. "I'll be waiting~"

2.40 pm.

I blushed as I reminisced what Shizu-chan did and said to me last night.

3.25 pm.

The said blond called me and asked me out on a date. I zoomed to my walk-in closet right after I dismissed Namie and pondered about what clothes I should wear for our first date as a couple.

I sighed in defeat when I couldn't decide whether to wear black or red, but panic took over me when I glanced at the clock.

5.20 pm.

'Shit!' I rushed towards the bathroom and took a quick shower for a good 25 minutes and dried my hair for about 10 minutes. Then I put on a long sleeve V-neck red shirt and wore a sleeveless checkered hoodie over it with a black skinny jean. After I perfectly combed my hair I glanced at the clock again.

6.01 pm.

'Perfect. Shizu-chan should arrive in a couple of minutes.' When I looked at myself in the mirror I blushed and then I face-palmed. I totally felt like a virgin high school girl about to go on her first date with her first boyfriend. I sighed.

6.10 pm

The doorbell rang and I quickly ran to the door. After an awkward greeting that involved LOTS of blushing, we finally head out to the train station.

* * *

><p>It was really awkward and weird when we were walking in Ikebukuro. All and I meant ALL of the inhabitants stared at us somewhat in fear and awe. Fear if suddenly the reincarnation of violence would blow up and awe because two life-long enemies were suddenly walking side-by-side without the usual heavy atmosphere surrounding them.<p>

But it was fun as I got to observe my lovely humans' reactions! But of course, my favourite is still Shizu-chan~!

The date was really simple, actually. We went to the cinema to watch a horror movie, then we head over to Russia Sushi for lunch (Apparently Simon was incredibly happy that we finally 'made up' and told Kadota and his gang about us. Which made Karisawa danced with Yumasaki in glee.) and after that we went shopping.

"Ah! Shizu-chan! Look, look!" I called out to the blond as I dragged him to the area that caught my attention. "Huh? Look at what?" I pointed at the shelf that has thousands of mugs neatly arranged in it and screamed, a little bit frustrated. "That! That!"

Shizu-chan squinted his eyes and leaned closer. "What am I looking at?" I furrowed my eyebrows and puffed up my cheeks to make a childish pout. "That red mug that has 'HITO LOVE' on it!"

The tall male walked closer to the shelf and studied the said mug then he lifted it and chuckled. "It's so you." My cheeks reddened. 'Was that a compliment?'

He stared at me with the corner of his eye. I quickly looked away and my blush deepened. "Wh-what? I just thought that it was cute."

"Do you want it?" My eyes widened and I quickly turned my head towards Shizu-chan. "Eh?" He played with the mug in his hand. "If you want it… I'll buy it for you…" Then he locked eyes with mine. "So do you?" I blushed for the millionth time and fixated my gaze on my italic black and red sport shoes then I shyly nodded.

When I heard footsteps walking away I look up. Shizu-chan's already paying at the cashier. When he finished he hand the paper bag over to me and said while adverting his eyes from me with a faint blush dusting his cheeks. "Don't misunderstand, ok? I just felt bad about last night. You know… If I forced you… It must've hurt, right?" He flailed a bit when he said that.

I shook my head and smiled at him. "You didn't force me to do anything, Shizu-chan. I was actually very happy that I was finally being held by you last night." The tall blond smiled and ruffled my hair then held out his hand in front of me.

"Come on, let's go home." I took his hand and he led me out of the store. Although we got a lot of weird stares, I didn't care. Shizu-chan didn't care, either. In fact, the large warm hand that was holding mine tightened its grip and my smile widened.

I looked down at the paper bag and held it close to my heart. My expression showed pure bliss.

'Shizu-chan's first present for me…'

Little did I know as it was the first, it was also the last thing the blond bodyguard will ever give me… 

I stared at the porcelain mug with a bubbly smile and chin tucked inside my hands. My work was completely abandoned two hours ago. And that was how long I've been staring and smiling at the red mug that has 'HITO LOVE' imprinted on it.

"_It's so you."_

I giggled when I recalled the date we had two days ago and continued my stare. I traced my fingertips over its cold figure, "I could stare at you all day long…"

* * *

><p>Shit. Did I just think that the FLEA actually looked PRETTY? Oh, fuck. I shook my head and face-palmed. 'No. It's okay. I'm only attracted to him 'cause we had sex. That's all.'<p>

As I closed my heavy eyelids I saw Izaya naked, his face flushed. His black bangs stuck to his sweaty forehead. The sound of his dirty panting echoed in the darkness. He opened his eyes and stared at me through half-lidded eyes. Then his pink soft parted lips moved. "Shizu-chan…" The way he whispered could send anyone's blood rushed to his or her groin.

That's when I snapped my thoughts. I glanced at my crotch and glared at it. I couldn't believe it. I got hard just imagining Izaya naked and whispering my name. I glanced at my growing erection again. I sighed and stood up to made my way to Shinjuku.

* * *

><p>And indeed I actually did stared at the mug until I fell asleep. But my slumber was interrupted by sudden banging no my door. I woke up and after a grunt and a long yawn I shuffled sluggishly to the front door while muttering "Coming!" loud enough for whoever that was in front of the door, to hear and stopped the obnoxious knocking.<p>

I opened the door and my tired eyes instantly shot open when I saw Shizu-chan standing in front of me. I was about to ask, "What are you doing here?" but without even a warning he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a rough yet melting kiss. I cried softly at the sudden gesture, nevertheless I clung to the blond tightly.

Shizu-chan started trailing sloppy kiss along my jaw-line, moving down to my neck before gently nipped at my clavicles. I repressed a moan and widened my eyes a bit as I felt myself being lifted. "Shizu-chan?"

"Where's the bedroom?" The blond ask huskily, mocha orbs glazed over with lust and carnal need. I gulped, blushing at eyes looking at me like that and nodded towards upstairs.

Shizu-chan kicked open the door and gently placed me on the bed. He wasted no time and started divesting himself of his clothes with me just watching in stunned silence.

My mind was a puddle as my red eyes skimmed over the well-toned abdomen, taut muscles twisting under the slight tanned skin.

I swallowed and licked my lips nervously before I was pushed down against the bed with a very naked and sexy Shizu-chan hovering over me.

"Shizu-chan…" I muttered breathily, closing my eyes as I traced the pads of my fingers over the ridges of his stomach. The blond responded with a soft groan and captured my mouth, gently sucking on my lower lip making me let out a soft mewl.

* * *

><p>Izaya slipped out of his clothes and moaned loudly as soon as he felt me entering him. I thrust softly before picking up the pace as soon as my cock twitched from my impending orgasm.<p>

Izaya was a moaning and writhing mess underneath me and I absorbed the spectacle, shooting my seed deep within the tight crevice with a loud moan. Izaya came right after and splashed the sticky white fluid on my toned abs and felt my weight upon him.

We stayed there, unmoving as our heartbeats returned to normal. I sat up, eyes a bit heavy while basking in the afterglow.

Izaya was still catching his breath, cheeks still flushed daintily and looking oh-so-fuckable with my cum leaking out of his round ass. But I controlled my urges and pulled him to my lap before taking the covers and spreading it over our bodies.

Izaya immediately snuggled against my warm chest; a tired but content smile was plastered on his face.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes and stared half-lidded at the black nothingness in front of me. I sat up and glanced to my left and right. The black walls seemed endless. I slowly stood up and started walking aimlessly, searching for a light or something of that sort.<p>

As I walked through the empty atmosphere, a thought suddenly hit me. I couldn't remember when, how or why I was here. I tried thinking harder, but I couldn't even remember who I am.

Suddenly I heard a voice.

It sounded familiar.

"Shizuo…"

My eyes widened when I realized that it was calling a name.

It was calling for me!

I turned my head towards the voice. The darkness lit up and now I was surrounded by warm white walls and doors. I frowned and tried to listen to the voice harder to determine which door I should open.

"Shizuo…" It called again and I hurriedly open the door that I was sure can lead me to that angelic voice.

But I was wrong. Another row or doors awaited me instead of the owner of that voice.

The honey-like voice continued to cry out my name as I desperately searched for it. I opened one of the thousand doors and my eyes widened when I saw a black figure hugging its knees together. It sobbed like a lost child while calling my name over and over again.

I approached it slowly and my eyes softened. It looked so small like that, that I almost thought it really was just a child. I crouched in front of it but when it didn't seem to notice me I patted his head softly.

It flinched then slowly looked up to me. Its red eyes that were glimmering with tears stared straight into my hazel ones. I frowned. 'Those amazing eyes… I've seen it before…'

It tilted its head to the side. "Shi…zuo…?"

I smiled and gave a little nod. Its demon-like eyes widened then it wrapped its arms around my neck and practically jumped on top of me resulting for me to fall on to my butt and the figure landed in my lap.

I was dumbfounded for a moment but when I heard it muttering my name in that soothing voice of its, my whole muscle relaxed.

"Shizuo… Finally… Finally…"

My heart clenched a little when it said that. 'So it's been waiting for me all this time…' Instantly, I wrapped my arms around its waist and drowned myself in that pleasurable warmth.

It continued to sob so I tried to comfort him.

"It's okay now… Because I'm here…"

'No disaster can touch us anymore…'

And it worked as its arm loosened around my neck and I closed my eyes and smiled. But when the warmth disappeared out of the blue, I shot my eyes open. The white walls were replaced by the black nothingness again.

I stood and frantically searched for the black figure.

"Shizuo…"

I turned my head towards the voice and relief took over me. I quickly ran towards it and wrapped my arms around its head and waist. My hold tightened when I felt small hands on my back. This time, I won't let go.

It called my name again. But the soothing voice was now sad… And abandoned… I opened my eyes when I felt that small palm became deathly cold. The black figure turned white and tears were flowing non-stop from its supernatural eyes.

It placed its hands on my cheeks and I hissed when I felt icy cold came in contact with my skin.

"Why…?" It asked in a deceived tone and searched my eyes with betrayal hidden in its crimson ones. It closed those said eyes.

"It hurts…"

I felt like my own tears were about to burst when it said that with a mourning voice. And on an instinct, my eyes traveled downwards to its stomach and I almost screamed when I saw its white stomach being tainted in red by a piece of a shattered glass stabbed in to it.

I gasped and trembled when my eyes slowly revealed the hand that was holding the glass firmly in its stomach was actually my own. My trembling eyes slowly looked upwards and I flinched when its crimson orbs stared straight in to mine.

"Why, Shizuo?" I shook my head shakily with eyes widened and gaped mouth. Its cold lifeless hands fell limply to its side.

"I loved you…" I mentally screamed, "And I love YOU!" But my confession remained unheard and I could only watch as it fell backwards in slow motion.

"I truly did… Loved you…"

My whole body shook uncontrolled as I stared at the crimson liquid that was flowing from the cold white body on the ground, forming a shape of a Garnett butterfly. The tears began to drip from my eyes then finally I screamed at the top of my lungs and listened to it echo around me…

Around us…

I stared expressionless at the same bloody shattered piece of glass in my hand that was inside its stomach.

Now, buried deep inside my chest.

I smiled sadly and closed my eyes.

"It's okay… I'll join you in a minute… So…"

_Wait for me…_

* * *

><p>AN: Cliffhanger! Haha, sorry about that. So! Can you guess what happened just now? And why did it happen? If you're correct, I'll upload three chapters in a row! Don't worry, I already wrote Silver Storm in my notebook and there are still seven chapters I haven't uploaded yet. And I finally finished chapter 2 of 70 Days! Hooray! So after I proofread it, I'll upload it okay? Reviews are wanted! Oh, I won't write the preview for the next chapter anymore as it will reveal a LOT of spoilers, kay? ^_^


	4. Stage 4: Premonition Coming True

A/N : OMG! I'm soooo sorry for not updating! I was taking my first exam, and then when I finally wanted to proofread, the internet broke down! I'm very sorry! ORZ! Anyway! For the last chapter's question, this chapter holds MOST of the answers. (The tittle is already obvious) But no worries! I HATE tragedy. And yet, I hate giving spoilers too, so… Onto the fic!

Warnings: Major timeline skip and Shizu-chan being a jerk. BTW, this fic is slight AU, so there might be a little OOCness. But I tried very hard to keep them IC as I love their original personality. So forgive me if you are not quite satisfied…

* * *

><p>Stage 4: Premonition Coming True<p>

I blinked my eyes sleepily and glanced at the tick-tocking clock with a smile. It was 5.15 in the morning, and I was still really sleepy, but I stretched and went to the shower anyway, afraid of falling asleep.

I stepped out of the bathroom fully clothed and with a towel draped around my neck, and as if on cue, my phone vibrated loudly. I glanced at the clock again with a raised eyebrow. "Who on earth could get up on five-thirty in the morning just to send me a text?"

With that question in mind, my socked feet produced soft tapping sounds as I walked over my bed and flipped my slick black phone open. My red eyes widened as I read the caller ID. "Kasuka-kun?" I pressed 'read message' and examined the text.

[Izaya-san, congratulations on your and nii-san's third anniversary. Thank you for taking care of nii-san as always. I'm very happy for you guys. And please do not call me after you have read this.]

My widened eyes welled as I scanned the words over and over.

[Congratulations on your and nii-san's third anniversary.]

I cupped the black solid in my shaking hands carefully and brought it to my chest placing it directly on my heart. I closed my eyes resulting the tears to drip freely and smiled.

"I'm so glad…"

So glad that I went straight to shower instead of falling asleep again…  
>So glad that I didn't gave up…<br>So glad that I confessed again…  
>So glad that I met him…<br>So glad that I fell in love with him…

"So glad that this isn't a dream…"

0. IZAYA .0

"You seem cheerful today." I paused my typing and glanced at Namie. "I am." Namie knitted her eyebrows and glared at me. "Well stop it. It's disgusting." I pouted at her grumpy attitude. "Well sorry for being happy, then."

I continued typing in an information when Namie rolled her eyes. "By the way, you may leave at six today." I spoke with a professional tone. And when I heard no response, I glanced towards the brother-con. "You're not going to ask why I'm giving you permission to leave early?" There was a long silence before she answered with a soft voice. "I don't want to hear you brag about how you're going to celebrate your third anniversary with Heiwajima-san if that's what you're about to do."

I puffed my cheeks and turned my focus back on my laptop. "Meanie." Namie sighed and mumbled something about "Childish."

I was so happy. Everyone seemed to remember about our anniversary. But of course! Since I already made sure that they would by waking them up early in the morning just to scream in their ears that it's me and Shizu-chan's anniversary.

* * *

><p>I stared at sky blankly and watched as the smoke from my burning cigarette disappeared into the clear air. I remembered the dream that I had two years ago and wondered for the millionth time, "What did it mean?"<p>

I asked Tom-san but he just shrugged and said that it could mean anything. When I asked Celty, she 'said' that maybe it didn't have any meaning at all. And when I asked Shinra, he said that it could be a warning or something.

I sighed in defeat and closed my eyes. Then I saw and felt it again. The warmth from the black figure that clung to me cutely.

_"Shizuo…"_

I smiled when I remembered it calling my name lovingly. I opened my eyes reluctantly and realized that my arms were paused in mid-air in a hugging position. I let it fall limply to my sides.

I looked up to the sky again.

"A warning, huh…"

* * *

><p>I smiled when I recalled our last year 'celebration'. Of course, as I expected, Shizu-chan didn't remember, AGAIN. But I didn't get mad, just a bit disappointed. But his reaction when I pouted and 'cried' was priceless! He panicked and started repeating "I'm sorry." Like some sort of a mantra in front of EVERYBODY in a HIGH CLASS restaurant in the middle of our date! It was so funny so I had no choice but to forgive him.<p>

"I wonder if he remembers today."

I grabbed my phone and punched in a certain blonde's number. It rang once… Twice…

"Hello?" My face quickly lit up. "Hey, Shizu-chan!" A low chuckle followed by his usual greeting. "Hey." I smiled at his voice fondly. "I was wondering… Do you remember what day is it today?" I almost laughed and cried at the same time when he answered, "Hmmm… Thursday?"

But I remained compose. "No, think again. What happened three years ago at this very date?" There was a long silence before Shizu-chan spoke again. "Sorry, can't remember. But I know it's not your birthday." I frowned. "When IS my birthday, Shizu-chan?" "May the fourth." My eyes widened before my lips curled into a soft smile.

"Today is our third anniversary." It took him a couple of seconds for him to process the words before, "Oh, shit! I forgot again!" I giggled at his reaction. Cute as always. "Yeah. AGAIN." I could literally hear him sweating. "Fuck. God, I'm so sorry, Izaya." I faked a pout.

"I can't believe that you couldn't remember it again." "I'm REALLY sorry. I'll make it up to you, I SWEAR." I sniffed for effects. "Promise?" "I'll do anything." By finally hearing the words that I want, I smirked. "Anything?" "Anything."

* * *

><p>"Then come over to my house at 8 p.m. sharp and celebrate with me." My hazel eyes widened then I chuckled. "Sure." We exchanged our goodbyes before I hung up. "So today's our third anniversary, huh?" My expression darkened. 'That means we've been together for three years…' I glared at the phone then shoved it inside my pocket and made my way over to Shinra's.<p>

0. SHIZUO .0

I knocked on the metal door and it opened seconds later. "Ah, Shizuo! Come in!" My brunette friend cheerfully welcomed me and I blankly walked inside after muttering "Sorry for the intrude." After serving me hot chocolate, he asked, "So what's up?" "Today is my third anniversary with Izaya." I stated plainly, and for a moment there, I could've sworn Shinra looked hurt for a second but he quickly smiled and yelled "That's great! That means that this is the fourth year you guys have been dating!"

I frowned. "What're you being so happy for?" His smile widened. "Of course I would be happy! You've been spending your time with the person you love! It's the ultimate bliss, don't you think?" I glared at him. "That's the problem." Shinra looked confuse so I continued. "I don't actually love Izaya."

Shinra's eyes widened behind his glasses. "What…?" I growled. "I said… That I don't love Izaya." His eyes turned normal but his smile never returned. "Then why did you agree on dating Izaya?" I smirked. "Simple. To break the flea's heart into pieces and have my revenge." Shinra's face remained expressionless. "Then break up with him."

"I plan to. Tonight." Shinra's eyes widened again. "Tonight?" "Yup." "On your anniversary?" My smirk widened. "Yup." "But that'll kill him!" I leaned my back to the sofa. "That's the point." Shinra narrowed his eyes. "Shizuo, if you do that, I swear, I won't talk to you anymore." The brunette glared at me and warned me with a cold tone.

I was truly shocked and confused. It was the first time that Shinra actually got really mad at me. "Shinra… Why would you cut ties with me just for that flea?" And with the same serious tone, he answered without breaking eye contact with me. "Because I was in love with Izaya and I don't want to see him get hurt."

My eyes widened. Shinra was in love with Izaya? I narrowed my eyes and stared straight into his. "How about now?" Shinra seemed to be taken aback by that question and I gulped. He finally broke eye contact with me and hung his head low.

"I don't know… Maybe… I mean I got really jealous when I found out that you two started going out…" "And you got really mad when I said that I was actually using him." I pointed out and the glare was back. "I'm serious, Shizuo. If you break his heart, you're not my friend anymore."

With a blank expression, I stood up. "Whatever. See if I care." Then with the same unchanged emotion, I made my way to the door. "Shizuo! You don't know how much Izaya loves you!" I snorted and whispered, to no one. "If I didn't know… We wouldn't be together in the first place…" With those final words, I left.

And for a short moment, the image of the lifeless white figure popped inside my head.

* * *

><p>I skipped happily and merrily towards my friend, Shinra's apartment. And despite the look everyone gave me I continued to skip away. I knocked on the door with a playful rhythm as soon as I hopped on the welcome mat placed in front of it. And for the first time, Shinra's face went pale when he saw me. I giggled then patted his head. "What's wrong~? You look like you just saw a ghost~."<p>

It looks like my patting worked as his usual smile lit up his face. "No, nothing. Sorry 'bout that. Come in." I passed him and went inside while yelling "Sorry for intruding~!" Shinra laughed then asked whether I want coffee or tea. Then I announced while raising my left hand "Coffee, please~!" The brunette answered while chuckling. "Sure, sure." Then he went inside the kitchen.

0. IZAYA .0

"So what brings you here?" Shinra asked after I sipped the black bitter coffee. I placed the mug carefully on the table and grinned cheekily. "Did you know that today is me and Shizu-chan's third anniversary?" Shinra's smile instantly fell as soon as the words left my mouth. "Yeah. Shizuo told me earlier." Despite that I noticed the sudden change of behaviour, I chose to ignore it. "What? Shizu-chan came here to tell you? Awww… That's so sweet of-" I was cut off by hands suddenly wrapped around my body and brought me close to Shinra's chest.

"Izaya…" I blinked. "Y-yeah?" His arms tightened around my body. "Break up with Shizuo… Please…" My eyes widened. Did he just BEG me to break up with Shizu-chan? I pushed him lightly. "What? Why would I break up with him?"

Shinra's eyes turned sad as I said that, but he glared when I said "I love Shizu-chan!" He gripped my shoulders and shook my body as he yelled, "But Shizuo doesn't love you!" I knitted my eyebrows and slapped his cheek. When I saw that Shinra was in the midst of confusion I stood up. "What IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Shinra looked up to me with widened eyes. His glass was dropped from the impact.

Without further ado, I stomped away towards the exit with Shinra chasing behind me. When I was at the front door I glared at Shinra and said "I don't know what your problem is, but don't you dare say that Shizu-chan and I don't each other. The fact that today is our THIRD ANNIVERSARY has already proven otherwise." Then I slammed the door. HARD.

I flipped my phone open. 7.20 p.m. My anger instantly melts and I smiled. Great. Time to head home and celebrate our third anniversary.

* * *

><p>I glanced at my wrist watch. 7.41 p.m. I smirked. Great. Time to go to the flea's house and celebrate our last anniversary.<p>

* * *

><p>I continued to dry my wet hair with a frown. I glared at the clock with the corner of my eyes. 8.01 p.m. My frown deepened. "He's late."<p>

* * *

><p>I finally arrived at the front door and quickly rang the doorbell. The door opened and I was about to say "Hey." When a very angry Izaya spoke out first. "You're late." I glanced at the watch that was on the coffee table behind him and knitted my eyebrows. "I was only two minutes late."<p>

Izaya glared at me then spouted "I said 8 p.m. SHARP!" I sighed. "I'm here already, right?" He was about to start bitching at me but I cut him off with a soft peck on the lips. I smile slyly at the cute expression. "So… Forgive me?"

His round face blushed but his eyes glared at me. "F-fine! But I won't forgive you the next time you-" I cut him off again with another kiss. 'There won't be a next time, sweetheart.'

* * *

><p>After a long innocent kiss, that sly perverted Shizu-chan went inside while patting my head with a smile and said "Sorry for the intrude." My blush deepened. That… That! That BRUTE! But despite my anger I was actually happy inside, seeing Shizu-chan in front of me.<p>

0. IZAYA .0

After we ate the dinner that I deliciously cooked, we turned on the TV and watch a movie. It was normal for a while. Until Shizu-chan pulled me to his lap and made me face him. We stayed like that for a while, unmoving. Just staring into each other's eyes and enjoying our body heat.

* * *

><p>After a long silence I leaned in slowly, tilting my head slightly, and placed my lips on the soft, warm, velvet ones.<p>

* * *

><p>It was an innocent kiss. No tongue or touching. Just an innocent contact between lips. But my heart refused to hear me. My heartbeat became worse when a tongue licked my lower lip begging for entrance that I gladly complied. I mewled and moaned as soon as the wet muscle entered my mouth.<p>

Our lips parted then butterfly kisses were placed on my jaw line, the hollow of my ear and down my neck. A gasp mixed with a moan escaped from my swollen lips as I felt teeth sunk into my skin at the junction of my neck and shoulder. I moaned wantonly, arms draped around his strong neck. He continued his assault, biting, sucking and licking the abused patch of skin, leaving red and blue marks of property.

His hand travelled under my shirt and a tweak of my nipple renders my body into a quivering, moaning and gasping mess under his touch.

* * *

><p>Easing the shirt over his head, I immediately attacked one of his nipples with my mouth. Sucking, biting and licking the pink bud, as he moaned with my ministrations.<p>

* * *

><p>His mouth left my swollen nipples and I sighed in relief before a rough yet warm hand glided over my back as another one snaked its way under my legs. I wrapped my arms behind his neck instantly and let him lift me from the couch and carried me to the bedroom.<p>

After he laid me down on the double king-sized bed and finished stripping me and himself of our clothes, he trailed the pad of his tongue along my torso and navel. I hid my face underneath my arms as I blushed beat red.

He gripped my wrist trying to lift it from my face. I heard a sigh when I slightly shook my head. Next thing I knew, Shizu-chan's face was beside my ear then he whispered "Izaya… I want to see your face…" My face only turned brighter with that comment. Nonetheless I did as I was told.

As soon as my arms left my face, Shizu-chan wasted no time on taking control of my lips again. I squirmed and mewled when he suck on my tongue.

* * *

><p>I broke the kiss and breathily spoke. "Where's the lube?" He blushed and stuttered. "In the drawer." I quickly rummaged through the drawer and came back with a bottle of vanilla lubricant. I squeezed a generous amount on my hand and probed Izaya's twitching hole.<p>

"HNNGH-AAHH…" He covered his mouth with his hands. I inserted the second finger and started a scissoring motion to fully stretch him. "Mmm… Naaahh…" Once I confirmed that he's thoroughly prepared, I pulled the wet digits out slowly and positioned myself between his legs before I pushed in.

* * *

><p>"AAAHHHH~!" I screamed as Shizu-chan's large member slipped inside my tight entrance. Even though we practically have sex every day and night, I still couldn't get use to this bizarre yet pleasant feeling of having Shizu-chan inside me. "Sh-Shizu-aahh!" He didn't move for a while and just gently stroke my cheeks while wiping the tears that I didn't realize had fallen with his thumb.<p>

He looked at me in the eye with pure concern. "Are you alright?" I felt heat rose to my cheeks and the tears only grew worse. But for some reason my lips curled upwards into a genuine smile.

* * *

><p>My eyes widened at the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. Izaya's adorable round cheeks tinted with light pink, tears flowed perfectly along it and his lips formed a breath-taking smile. He closed his devilish eyes and snuggled his cheek to my hand. I gulped as Izaya opened his supernatural eyes again and whispered almost seductively. "Move, Shizu-chan…"<p>

And that was all it took for me to contain my lust.

* * *

><p>He started with a slow pace of in and out. In and out. Then it became desperate but still steady. His thrusts became erratic once he found the spot that always manage to drive me insane with pleasure. He came inside me after I shot my white seed on my stomach.<p>

* * *

><p>Rough pants echoed around the room as we basked in the afterglow. I pulled out of Izaya after I recovered. "A-ahnn…" Looks like he was still sensitive. I lay beside him for a while. Trying to catch my breath. I paused when I felt warmth on my left side.<p>

No more. This ends today. NOW. With that in mind, I pushed the smaller male away and stood up from the bed and started putting my clothes back on.

* * *

><p>"Shizu-chan? Where are you going?" "Home." He sated normally and I blinked twice before I spoke up again. "Home? Why?" He snorted before he laughed. "You still don't get it, do you?" He finished wearing his uniform as I only stare at his face, flabbergasted at what this is about. "What is there to get?" He straightened his collar before he looked at me and then looked away. "I don't love you, Izaya. I never will. I only went out with you for revenge. And now with that expression covering your usual mask, I think I've finally obtained what I wanted." And for the first time since I've met the kind blond, he looked at me in the eye with a smirk. MY smirk.<p>

Shizuo turned his back towards me and shoved his hands inside his pocket. "I HATE you. But if you really 'love'-" He highlighted the word 'love' with air quotes. "-me, then make me happy by jumping down a building or something." With that, he shut the door and left.

Leaving me speechless with a hand paused in mid-air. Somehow trying to call him back.

* * *

><p>I did it. I left him heart broken. I clenched the fabric covering my chest. But why did I saw the bleeding figure from my dream again?<p>

* * *

><p>I stared blankly at the door. My hand from earlier had already dropped to my side. Then slowly, I shifted my glance towards the spot on the bed where Shizu-chan just laid on.<p>

It wasn't real. All that happiness and bliss… They were all fake. Masked by true hatred and vengeance… Shizu-chan never did love me back… It was me… Only me… I hugged a pillow that the blond had marked as his property with his scent and buried my nose in it.

It fairly smelled like him. Fairly… I didn't want the tears threatening to fall, to spill. But it was too late. A tear dropped. Followed by another, and another. Until a small stream formed under my eyes. The warm salty liquid ran down my face, dripping onto the pillow.

I sobbed. Like a lost child in the middle of a supermarket. I couldn't hold the pain inside. It was too much to bear. I let it all out as I felt it flowed from my eyes.

"Shizu-chan… Shizu-chan…" I cried his name unconsciously. "Shizu-chan…Come back…*sniff* Please… Shizu-chan *sniff* I beg you *sniff* Please…"

My vision was blurry. My eyes were burning. My hands were clenching. My voice was yelling.

This continued on until I literally passed out on the bed.

* * *

><p>0. SHIZUO'S DREAM.0<p>

I didn't know where I was and I didn't know how I got there.

But for some reason, I was absolutely sure that this was somehow Izaya's doing.

I was standing, in a dimly lit hallway.

The floor made of finely painted wood and the walls of a dull colour of grey.

The hallway was surrounded by darkness.

And the light which seeped from above, seemed to follow me.

As if it was illuminating the path I was walking on.

It was strange and creepy.

And I couldn't help it as chills ran down my spine.

I kept on walking.

My eyes narrowed as I suddenly spotted a source of radiance.

Glowing stunningly in the midst of darkness.

Taking it's time as it slowly drew towards me.

It approached closer and closer.

But for some odd reason, I was stuck in my place.

Standing and staring with wide eyes as the light slowly took a shape of a man.

It was a raven haired man.

With ivory flawless skin and bright carmine eyes which almost looked unnatural.

His ebony, silky hair contrasted beautifully with his skin, emphasizing those alluring scarlet orbs.

I couldn't help but think that there was an angel standing in front of me.

The kimono he wore was of a light pink colour, decorated with fluttering cherry blossom petals.

It swayed with his every movement.

His bare feet were soundless as he drifted elegantly towards me.

A smile gracing those plump, sinful looking lips as a sweet expression of affection lit up his face.

My mind screamed at me to turn my heels and run away.

But my body betrayed me and I just stood there like a statue.

I unconsciously licked my lips when the raven finally stopped in front of me, a little too close for my comfort.

I gulped down the lump that had formed in my throat.

My eyes taking in every inch of the exposed skin in an attempt to permanently implant the image in my mind.

Our bodies brushed together lightly.

The smaller male looked up, his eyes filled with an emotion that I had never seen before.

The raven raised his hand and slender finger fondly traced my cheek.

The feathery touch had a great effect as I shuddered slightly.

Feeling his skin burn under the compression of the tender yet intimate touches.

The petite male took note of this and took the advantage to raise himself with his toes tipped and covered his lips with mine.

It was nothing more than a peck.

One which sweet lovers gave to each other when they parted at the end of the day.

I momentarily stiffed.

My body suddenly having the mind of its own as I reached out to take the smaller body in my arms and crush our lips together even harder.

However, my hands only met the air as the raven swiftly moved away from my grasp.

He smiled seductively as he moved further and further away from me.

His delicate form getting inundated by the darkness surrounding the hallway.

I stumbled forward with no interest of letting the raven get away.

But the whole area was empty.

The only thing edging me on were the echoes of the raven's joyful giggles and his sweet voice calling out my name.

"Shizuo~"

I felt apprehensive.

I didn't know why though.

I was determined to find my counterpart as concern crept into my mind.

My heart was pounding loudly.

My ears were trying to trace the position of the sounds that were leaking from those entrancing lips.

All of the sudden the hallway started to convert before my eyes.

The raven's giggles being no longer audible to my ears.

The whole landscape was slowly substituted by an empty room destitute of any light.

There was just a simple window, one through which the light of the moon illuminated a tedious corner.

"Shi…Zu…o…"

The voice which had once boomed with joy now come out as nothing more than a frail whisper.

* * *

><p>AN: Btw, the raven in Shizuo's dream is NOT Izaya. It's Sakuraya! I love him very much! Oh and this dream is also a premonition! So did you get what's coming? If you don't, then you'll just have to wait for the next chappie! And to get the next chappie, I'll need at least 25 reviews! *running away from the angry mobs*


	5. Stage 5: Lonely Denial

A/N : I'm back! I'm very sorry for not updating even though I've promised! I got caught up with exam and school paperwork. LOL, the reviews! Haha, don't worry, Shizu-chan will get what he deserves~ The first arc is done! And now, the first stage! Btw, if you're curious what is the five stages of grief, google it or wait for my explanation in chapter 9.

* * *

><p>Stage 5: Lonely Denial and an Unspeakable Heart-Break<p>

I woke up with a start. Panting, I slowly sat up. I blushed when the image of THAT flashed in my brain.

* * *

><p><em>Our bodies brushed together lightly.<em>

_The smaller male looked up, his eyes filled with an emotion that I had never seen before._

_The raven raised his hand and slender finger fondly traced my cheek._

_The feathery touch had a great effect as I shuddered slightly. _

_Feeling his skin burn under the compression of the tender yet intimate touches. _

_The petite male took note of this and took the advantage to raise himself with his toes tipped and covered his lips with mine._

_It was nothing more than a peck._

_One which sweet lovers gave to each other when they parted at the end of the day._

* * *

><p>A bright red crept to my face as I punched the wall behind me. Did I just dreamt about the flea? Well, I know that it wasn't the first time, but still! Especially when I just dumped him, too!<p>

I breathed out as I started to calm down. But I glared at nothing in peculiar when I recalled the last image in my dream.

* * *

><p><em> The whole landscape was slowly substituted by an empty room destitute of any light.<em>

_There was just a simple window, one through which the light of the moon illuminated a tedious corner._

"_Shi…Zu…o…" _

_The voice which had once boomed with joy now come out as nothing more than a frail whisper._

* * *

><p>My glare deepened. What the hell did it mean? The kiss… The sudden change of tone. It was the second time I dreamt about something that has some sort of a meaning and that I didn't had a single clue what it is. I sighed in frustration while I scratched behind my head. I stood up from the bed and shuffled lazily to the bathroom to prepare to go to work.<p>

0. SHIZUO .0

I flopped on the bed with an exhausted sigh escaping my lips. It was 11:30 p.m. and I still couldn't let myself drowned in dreamland. As I stared absent-mindedly on the plain ceiling, my thoughts briefly wondered about Izaya. It's been a week since we were over and I still hadn't heard about him. It was as if he disappeared from the face of the earth. I chuckled huskily. Yeah, right. Getting rid of pests is a hard working process. Especially if those pests are blood-sucking fleas.

Suddenly my image of chibi Izaya smirking vanished. Replaced by another image. It was something that I never expected to happen in a million gazillion years. An image of Izaya half-submerged in a hot tub, leaning against the edge of the tiles, face flushed with a sweet tint of crimson. His eyes half-lidded, looking dazed and distracted, his gaze misty and unclear as droplets of water ran down his chin and onto his pale, flawless neck. His raven bangs were sticking to his forehead, sleek and wet due to the water. His swollen lips parted, letting out small puffs of breath-

I literally slapped myself on the cheek, my mind taking a moment to visualize what I had just imagined. My cheeks involuntarily got hot. What the fuck was that all about? Where the hell did it came from? I shook my head to get the illustration out of my head. Could it be…

No, I did not miss him!

I did not!

I did not!

Damn it!

I flushed my face against the pillow, trying to ignore the disputing thoughts in my mind. My eyes started drooping and I let myself be enveloped by darkness.

0. SHIZUO'S DREAM.0

My eyes widened as they took in the horrid sight in front of me.

My breath increased rapidly and my chest felt like it had been crush between the brick walls.

The raven was on his knees.

His head was lifted forcefully as an unknown man clutched his locks harshly.

Pointing a gun at his temple.

A deranged smile plastered on the captor's face.

Blood generously cascaded down the small male's forehead.

Covering his rare ruby eyes, dripping down his chin and soaking into the silk of his kimono.

Making a large scarlet patch which stood out from the rest of the light colour.

His exposed neck was decorated with brutal gashes.

Each one of them looking more painful than the others.

His slender fingers which had been ripped off their nails and bled freely.

Making no movement to show any signs of struggle.

I stood still for a moment, my heart racing wildly and then, something inside me…

Snapped.

With a cry of war, I impulsively launched myself towards the oppressor.

With every intention of ripping him into limb from limb.

Unparalleled anger coursing through me.

Making me blind to everything except the deep desire to have the raven back in my arms safely.

All of a sudden, multiple shadows wrapped themselves around my torso.

Effectively trapping my arms and legs, rendering me unable to move.

I fell to my knees as I fought against the force.

A series of curse escaped from my mouth as my struggling were finally forced behind me.

The pull got stronger, almost painful.

Yet I still trashed about, desperately trying to move my limbs.

However, the more I fought back, the tighter the encasing around my body got.

Digging into my skin, threatening to crush my bones.

But no matter how painful the grip got I didn't stop resisting.

"Shizuo…"

The smaller breathed out unevenly as he saw my attempts to save him.

The moment I looked up, I saw crystal tears beading at the corner of the raven's eyes.

His lips turned up in a small, sad smile.

"F-forgive me…"

The broken voice melted my heart and I ceased all movements when I saw the painful look in the raven's eyes.

He knew he was going to die.

The helplessness broke my resolve, and I fell to my knees as I exchanged my last few glances with the raven.

With the last of his strength, the raven gave me a small, earnest smile and mouthed three words to me.

My eyes widened as everything turned into a slow motion.

Before I could as much as respond, the captor's finger pulled the trigger.

Making blood splash everywhere.

Effectively ending the brunette's life.

And leaving no meaning to the precious words he had said.

_"I love you…"_

0. SHIZUO'S DREAM.0

"IZAAYAAAA!" I could hear my voice screamed as I automatically jolted into a sitting position on the bed. My heart was pounding against my chest, threatening to leap out at any time as sweat rolled down my temple.

For a moment, I just sat there, my brain recollecting bits and pieces of what had just happened, and how real the awful thing had felt. My body was utterly exhausted, like I had been pulled down by 10 chains altogether at once.

That exhaustion was backed up by another feeling of pain, not physical pain, but emotional. Something that ate me up from the inside.

I buried my head in my arms, willing myself not to cry over such a stupid matter. It was nothing but a dream, god damn it! Just a figment of my imagination. That's what I tried to convince myself, but it could not explain the void that I felt in my heart right now. I felt confused, more confused than I had ever felt in my life.

For some reason, my mind was bent on the fact that I was never going to see Izaya again. If he were actually dead… If someone really have killed him…

I sighed and buried my face in my hand. No. The flea's not easy to kill. I've been trying to kill him ever since we met in Raijin. And only once I've managed to hit him. All those years, but only once have I succeeded on making him cringed and groaned in pain.

The image of Izaya's last earnest smile popped in my head.

_"I love you…"_

I shook my head. No. He's alright. Wait. Why do I even care? I shook my head rapidly. Who said that I cared? I was just worried that if someone else had already took the flea's life when I was the one who supposed to end his pathetic life.

His broken voice returned and I groaned and started punching various numbers on my phone. It only rang once when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hello?"

"Yagiri-san."

"Ah, Heiwajima-san. What is it?"

I pondered for a while before I asked, "Is Izaya there?" There was an uncomfortable silence before she answered.

"Yes. Would you like-"

I hung up before she could finish her sentence. I sighed and even though I didn't want to admit it, a look of extreme relief was plastered on my face.

See? I told you that the flea's alright…

* * *

><p>I could hear the phone rang from inside my dark room. I made no movement to answer it and I was pretty sure Namie knew that too. There's no way I could answer it. Not when I'm in this state. I heard Namie's muffled voice. I didn't need to eavesdrop to hear what she saying. Her voice alone was already naturally loud.<p>

My half-lidded eyes that had dark circles and bags around them widened when I heard the name of the man who was causing my despair at the moment. "Ah, Heiwajima-san. What is it?" My heart started to pace when I heard silence. I slowly stood up from the bed and placed my ear over the door. After a while, Namie spoke up. "Yes. Would you like to talk to-" My frown deepened. What the hell was that? I quickly sat on the bed again when I heard small footsteps going up to my room.

The door opened to reveal Namie with her usual stone face. I spoke up with a hoarse voice. "Was that… Shizu-chan?" She gave me a small nod. Before I could ask why he called, Namie beat me to it as if she could read what I was thinking.

"He asked about you."

My eyes widened in anticipation and I could feel my heart started beating to life. Could it be…?

I gulped as I clenched my shirt. "What did he said?"

"His words were exactly 'Is Izaya there?' But he hung up before I could offer him to talk to you."

My shoulders slumped, my heart beat faded and my eyes turned half-lidded again. "I see… Thank you for telling me…" Namie muttered a "Sure." Before she closed the door and left me inside the cold filled with black nothingness room. All alone…

My eyes started to well up and I hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed.

"Shizuo… -sniif- Shizuo…"

My voice became more broken every time I cried his name. I hugged my knees tighter.

"Shizuo… Come back…"

My voice was like a pained whisper as I desperately cried out.

"Don't leave me…"

* * *

><p>I leaned my back against the door to Orihara Izaya's room and I can't help but felt something as I heard his usual smug voice became broken as he continuously called out to the man who had broken his heart into a tiny million pieces. And for some reason I could only stood there, transfixed on the small sobs I heard behind the door. Feelings that I never knew I had mixed up, and I could feel my usual calm slipping away.<p>

But all my anger faded and instead, my heart melted when his muffled, quiet voice cried desperately.

"Don't leave me…"

I glared at nothing and for the first time in my life, me, Yagiri Namie, cursed at Heiwajima Shizuo for being so despicable and stupid.

* * *

><p>I blinked my eyes several times to get use to the light. I groped the night stand beside my bed for my phone. I switched it on and study the number on the top right. I groaned and placed it back on the night stand. It was already passed eleven. I rolled over and dropped the blanket over my thin body. And just when I was about to continue my ootoro dream, loud banging took the fatty tuna away from me. My panda eyes glared at the door and with a loud, annoyed groan I stomped over to open the door.<p>

"Yes?" My voice ha d a hint of sarcasm and my face never once lit up with a smile. "Shiki-san's here to see you." I scratched the back of my head, my eyebrows furrowed. "Okay, tell him I'll be down in a minute." Namie nodded and went downstairs.

I took a quick shower, wore a sweater and black shorts and went downstairs with a towel around my neck. "Good morning." Shiki-san greeted me usually. Of course, he didn't knew what happened between me and Shizu-chan. I muttered a "Good morning." With a blank expression. I sat down on the sofa across Shiki-san and asked "What?" When I saw him arched one of his eyebrows.

A sincere concerned voice asked me, "Orihara-san, are you alright? What happened?" I knitted my eyebrows together. Curse me for being so obvious. I shook my head slightly and gave Shiki-san a small smile. "Nothing. I'm fine, Shiki-san. You don't have to worry about me."

Shiki-san's expression deepened. "But your eyes are puffy. Have you been crying?" My said puffy eyes widened. "N-no… I just haven't had any decent sleep lately. That's all." I laughed nervously then my shocked expression came back when I saw Shiki-san leaned his face slowly to mine and captured my lips with his.

"Orihara-san, I care about you. And I don't want you to look like you're in pain. I hate it." I was stunned, speechless. I could only stare at Shiki-san's gentle smile with wide eyes, in awe.

At least there's someone that really cares about me…

* * *

><p>AN: Well, that's all for today! Review and tell me what you thought about it! I can't promise that you'll have a speed update cuz in a few weeks I'll be taking my trial exam. So please be patient with me! OTL

For any question, info or anything else that's related to my fics or not related to my fics, please go to my tumblr ~ fujoshi - kanojo . tumblr (please remove the spaces) If the link doesn't work please refer to my profile.


	6. author's note

I'm really sorry I haven't been updating my stories as of lately. But since my pet, sugar gliders died last month, I haven't really been myself. They were my only true friends, so… My parents even brought me to see a psychiatrist last week. They said that I've been staring into space lately and I won't snap out of it unless someone calls my name or I suddenly gasp. Thank god the psychiatrist didn't give me any anti-depressants or anything… Therefore, I will be in hiatus until I am myself again. I deeply apologize for all of you who have been looking forward for updates.


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